还能等多久？

I’m closing down this blog… All things will come to an end eventually. The old entries will remain though.

From Nov 2005 till Mar 2008. The ups and the downs. The good and the bad.

There are still 100 over posts in drafts, dating back from end 2006 till now. Guess I will never have the chance to post up those entries. Some things are not meant for others to see.

Well… When one door closes, another door will open.

Maybe, a new one will surface. Maybe not.

Maybe…

(p/s: this is not a joke)

才能麻醉心里的痛；
才能放下心里的牵挂？

I is suay again…

从某处看见了这则：

《聊天聊不完的星座情侣》

5.狮子座VS双子座。
　狮子座和双子座聊天的领域是非常广泛的，什么都可以聊 完全没有界线，而且也不会带有批判的色彩，因为他们只是发泄心中的想法而已。

哈哈。

狮子座的你和双子座的我虽然不是情侣，却还真的是什么都能聊。Soulmate forever!

一段感情如果没有了信任，还能走下去吗？

两个人，不断的猜疑，不断的掩饰。事情的真相是什么也无法辨认了。

猜疑的那方害怕着会失去一切，担心着猜疑是真的，痛苦着维持着这段感情。
被猜疑的那方伤心着不被相信，坚持着自我的行为，后悔着太快的这段感情。

这考验，能过吗？即使能过，也会留下痕迹吧。

Well, you know how people keep saying that when a person is about to die, the person will see flashbacks of their own life.

I don’t really see a series of flashbacks, but I have been suddenly remembering something from the past. The memory just came back so suddenly, it’s scaring me out.

In addition, sometimes I feel as if I had lost part of my recent memory, and thought things were back as at few years back. In the next few seconds I would then remember that recent years something happened and it is no longer as it is, or someone had left or something. It’s weird and feaks me out at times.

I wonder if this has any link with my insomnia.

Today went to work with only 2 hours of sleep. No, I wasn’t busy with anything. I just couldn’t sleep.

Laying on the bed since midnight, tossing and turning. Tried doing lots of thing but still couldn’t fall asleep. Last Sunday was like that too.

My last time check was at around 3am, and I woke up at 5am. 2hrs.

Surprisingly, I didn’t doze off at work. Hmm…

Went shopping today. I know I’m not supposed to be doing that since I have another exam paper on this coming Thursday. But the temptation to get out of the house was too great. Donuts. Kenny Rogers. Shopping. How to stay at home to study?

Met Eliza at City Hall and we proceed to have our dinner at MS Kenny Rogers. Has been craving for cheese dips for some days, so how can I miss the macaroni and cheese? Yummy~ After dinner we shopped around and ended up in Esprit. She had a $50 cash voucher that will expire by the end of the month. Walked around the shop but didn’t fancy anything. The other possible thing to buy was the bag, so I decided to get one for MaMa. Woohoo… The original price was $59.90, and thus I only had to pay $9.90. Good deal! She doesn’t mind that I used the voucher and didn’t ask for anything in return. Good right? I know I have some very good friends around me, and I’m really great for that (blog about this another time).

Anyway, after that we walked over to Raffles City to buy the donuts from JCo. The first time we tried, it was fabulous! It simply kind of melted in the mouth. Heaven. After getting the donuts, we went into Ah Kun Roti for tea and some chat. Well we have not been out ‘alone’ for a long time as someone always tag along. Haha. Chatted a lot, and realised a lot of thing, which sets me thinking if I am wrong on something? Haiz…

As I was walking home, I saw Cadence at her work place and walked in to pass her one donut. She later sms-ed me to say that it was YUMMY! Haha.

Oh yes, I passed the bag to MaMa. Finally, she doesn’t object to the design and layout of the bag (previously what ever bag I got for her, she will always have dissatisfation). But then, she mentioned that she already has a lot of bag. She’s finally accepting the fact that she does have a number of bags, as she used to buy bags every so often. But I believe I have more bags than her now. Gee…

This year, we finally changed the venue and the food. No more Japanese food. Haha. Instead, we had dinner at one of the coffeeshop in AMK. Only PaPa, MaMa, Me and DiDi. The bill came up over $60 plus. It was very fulling, but I thought the food was so-so. I only like the Thai-style toufu. Anyway, it still manage to fill up my stomach, so thats good enough.

双子的朋友基本都是泛泛之辈，感情深厚的朋友实在少的可怜。因此寂寞或是不开心时，他们通常也是一个人躲起来一言不发，不去理睬任何人，并且不希望被其他人打扰。大家平时看到的他们并不是真正的他们，他们总是在掩饰自己，自己也不明白这到底是有意还是无意的。

他们的心事通常不会跟任何人讲，即便你刨根问底也徒劳无功，只有当他们愿意倾诉的时候，他们才会告诉他们知心的朋友，通常这种机会很少。他们对大多的人、事、物都不怎么在乎，好象是以冷眼观世的态度活在这世上的，即便当他们非常在意某人某事的时候，他们也不会在他人面前轻易表现出来。

很奇怪，也很好笑。一个我曾经很想遇见，却又怎么也碰不到的人，如今却一直‘有意无意’地出现在我眼前。

有意是因为我知道去哪里可以看见他。无意，是真的好巧，在这么多年以后的现在。

很久以后的第一次，是先碰见他的老婆。当时的我吓了一跳。原来，那个地方是属于他的。那一次，也是我第一次看见他老婆的本人。一直以来只见过她的照片，现在却站在我眼前。确实很漂亮。对他的老婆而言，我只是个陌生人，但我却知道她是谁。之后，每每去到那个地方，我总会刻意选择走那条路，因为可以看见他。也或许，是想让他看见我。想看看他的反应，却发现我们都没有勇气先打招呼。

在很久以前，在某处写了这番话：
i know once we leave this school, chances of us meeting each other again is very very slim, or maybe we wont even meet again at all. and even if we do meet, what will we be? complete stranger, hi-bye friends, or something closer than now?

终于有答案了……

Woohoo! Just back from T3. Finally made my way there tonight, since it’s opening some months ago. The place is new and big! Really BIG!

As we were strolling around the airport, we saw that one of the cleaner found a PSP on one of the seat! OMG, a white PSP!!! The owner must be feeling real ‘heart-pain’ now. The cleaner was honest enough to report it to the manager. Cheers for that.

Continued on my ‘journey’ to level 3, the so-called viewing mall. Not sure what was I supposed to view, as all I saw were my reflections (the lights in the airport was far too bright, thus we were unable to view the outside). Maybe I should try to come back again in the day time. Perhaps I will be able to see something then.

As I was moving down the elevator, I saw Mr PIG. !!! He was with his wife. I thought he was pretending to look around, so as not to greet me or so. It’s ok, because that was what I had been doing the past few times I walked past his place. We don’t have the courage to say hello. A simple hello.

Anyway, we had Popeyes for supper again! Haha… The place was rather crowded. The food court next to it seems to be operating 24hrs. Hmm, another place to have food court food after midnight.

I want to be back there again. But hopefully, by then it will be for a trip oversea and not just ‘jalan-jalan’.

在某个网站看见了关于某个星座的解释：

‘某某’座：
这是据统计最多女人喜欢的星座，他们的不安定还真是有口皆碑，那是因为好奇和对自由的憧憬，想留住他就放他走，他累了就会回来，如果他的未来没有你，劝你及早抽身，爱上此星座，宁可心碎，也不能心软。

天啊……
不是不想抽身，而是无法抽身。

我以为我可以潇洒的离开，才发现其实我舍不得，也没有勇气先离开……

Finally it’s a Friday, and finally we decided to go somewhere further for our lunch. We have not done that for weeks. So we got to AMK Hub, and decided on Mac. A few moment later, my hp rang — number starting from 645xxxxx. Shit.

My second boss called for me to get back to the office as soon as possible. He needed me to go down to the warehouse together.

Then LS’s hp rang. Someone called to remind me to ba back asap. Ok. Got the message.

So off we went. Jerry wanted to buy the bubble tea, but KH didn’t allow him to. Hee… Coz I had to rush back to the office.

Walked through the gates and saw the 2 senior supervisor standing around waiting for me, together with another auntie from production. Ha.

Feeling so sleepy on the way down. The driver missed the exit on PIE, and he actually did not realised that he missed the exit. Erm… Then we had to guide him back to PIE. Another ah-beng driver.

Finally got there, and I started on the servicing on the label printer. Ya, should include ‘technician’ in my job description. All the while, my second boss was simply looking at me doing the job. Haiz… The place was so dusty. Luckily I managed to get the printer working again, but there was some problem with the ribbon and pressure. No time to do futher tests as the other boss need to rush back to the office. So off we went.

Was going to pass by Changi Beach, feeling so excited. Then my hp rang again. It’s my boss, together with the helpdesk support for our application. They still do not understand the problem I had raised. Had to explain again and again. Haiz… When I hang up the call, Changi Beach was nowhere in sight. Sob…

I miss Changi Beach in daytime.

Have been hearing stories about other people’s love life. The bizzare part is how all these relationships have a 3rd party, or they themselves are the 3rd party. Is that the trend now, or that’s how weak love is nowadays. Does one true love still exist?

Had a 6-person conference call today during working hours. Non-work related.

JZ, KY, Jerry & KH were in the conversation on some very ’sensored’ topics. Then Jerry included me in the conference (the so-called adult talk), citing that I will need to ‘learn’. Pengz. Later KH included Lawrence as well. So, the 6 of us.

Most if the time, I was simply holding the phone, listening to their conversations, while sending out emails to suppliers.

Good thing is that when other people came to look for me, they saw me on the phone and could not disturb me. Haha…

It’s my exam period again.

Stress…

Second last semester. Can’t wait for the last.

It rained again… So the plan was abolished. Anyway, Chua had to work OT. Met up with Soulmate at Yishun instead. Had Long John for dinner. Doing just the opposite of what we had planned again. Haiz…

And I have to stop for 2 weeks due to exam. Hope the next trip will be successful.

Second planned jogging trip, and it had to rain. Haiz…

First time we are meeting to go for a job after the ’split’. First time to jog at a different location. First time after so long.

I was thinking, ‘how nice~ it’s my weather again’. But then, the sky got darker and darker, then it poured as I reached YCK MRT.

The jogging trip became a makan trip. Haha…

Instead of losing weight, I think I am going to gain more weight. Argh!!!

人是脆弱的. 所以不停的掩饰和伪装自己, 让自己看起来很坚强. 坚强背后需要的努力和毅力, 往往把人搞得筋疲力尽. 最后, 当一切力量都耗尽的时候, 再坚强的人, 也都会倒下. 而这时, 原本就很脆弱的自己, 会变得更彷徨无助, 直至崩溃.

人，应该适时地调整自己，偶尔表现出脆弱的一面，让别人来关心和安慰自己。 一直不停地承受着一切，不停的压抑心理的需求，只会让自己受到伤害。这，何尝不是更愚蠢的行为呢？